You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
