I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
