winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
