He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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