we're chasing vodka with high fives
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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