the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
