Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
