I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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