Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
