me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
