I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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