so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
