she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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