Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Randomize