In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize