forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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