I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Duck Duck Cougar?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
