and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
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