So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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