did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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