So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
