If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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