just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
