he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
FUCK WHALES
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
