hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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