I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize