I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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