He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Randomize
