This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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