My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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