Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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