why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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