dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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