your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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