Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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