Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
