guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize