Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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