i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
