When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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