I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
