I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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