I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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