neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
