does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
