Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
