The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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