who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
