Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
