Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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