Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
