I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
