There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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