i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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