My friends, they love my intelligence
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
