smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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