could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
