I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
