Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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