Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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