I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I love you. Go after that dick
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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