Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize