I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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