It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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