I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
