Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
