My first STD was from a foam party
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
