Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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