it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
