i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
