Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
