This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
