Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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